I didn’t write a single word while I was in Kenya.
I snapped over 3000 photos and videos. I updated Twitter and Facebook and Path in the morning or the evening when I had access. But I did not sit down to write like this at all during my 21 days outside of the United States. I started to a couple of days, and could never get past the first sentence. Because I was trying to write it here. And here felt very far away, someplace else.
Raw and exposed are two words I’d use to describe my emotions while in Kenya. My surroundings, both the people and the place, provided the perfect vehicle for allowing my heart to overtake my mind. So I ran with it. Many times during a day I would find myself simply staring at my children as they played with their Kenyan sisters, or looking out the window of the car as we sped by area after poverty stricken area looking at the faces of people who seemed every bit as happy as the faces I see out the window of my car in Santa Clarita or Huntington Beach, CA. In fact, in many ways, they seemed happier, or at least more connected.
Life in the now.
What I noticed, more than anything, was how much conversation was taking place. Nobody was buried in their smart phone, furiously posting a status update about where they were or what they were doing. They were just there. They were just doing it. Nobody was trying to spark a pseudo-conversation with people they couldn’t see or touch in the moment. They were talking to the people around them. They were talking to the people WITH them.
One night I allowed myself to come back to this world fully and engage with Facebook and Twitter for a few hours. I had figured out a way to get unlimited data on our Safaricom card and set up a wireless network from my laptop so we could use our iPhones. The next morning my wife asked me about something and I had no idea what she was talking about. She snapped. She said something to the effect of, “when you are on your iPhone you simply get lost in it. You don’t really hear a word anyone else is saying.” She had apparently had a conversation with me the night before, and while I was responding, I wasn’t really there. I had no recollection of the conversation. At all.
Disconnecting from the people closest to me.
She was right and I knew it. In that moment, it was painfully apparent. Kenya had allowed me to be with the people closest to me and away from the constant connection long enough to realize that, all too often, I turn to my iPhone and disconnect from the people around me, the people closest to me, physically and emotionally. I justified it by allowing myself to believe that engaging with my online world was, in those moments, just as important. It’s not. It’s not more important than really connecting with the people who share the same room with me, the same car with me, the same restaurant table with me.
We’re drunk on social media.
I missed my own product launch (RealSatisfied.com) at Inman Connect. I had no access to the twitter stream while in London. AT&T decided to shut off my digital access. So I surfed the #ICNY hashtag stream on Twitter when I got home. I was delighted to find that Phil and David, my Australian buddies at RealSatisfied.com, had introduced phone stacking to some of my social media drunk friends. They took everyone’s cell phones at dinner and told them that the first person to touch their phone was buying dinner. Imagine that, a dinner at a technology focused conference in New York City where nobody at the table is on their cell phone. Where people are simply focused on having conversations with the people actually at their table.
It would feel like Kenya.
I came home to a full week of activity, including a speaking engagement at CRS Sell-A-Bration. After the conference, I disengaged from Facebook and Twitter. That was last Friday. It’s been a week since I’ve updated my public Twitter or Facebook stream. I don’t think anyone has noticed. It’s noisy in both places, lots of people are vying for attention. And I have no desire to broadcast this post on either one of them. I’ve unchecked the “Publish to Twitter” box on this post. I realize that will mean fewer people will ever know this post is here. I don’t care.
I’m giving myself some distance to gain a bit of perspective. I’ll be back to the public streams of both Facebook and Twitter. I’m just not sure when.
—-
Phone stacking photo via Flickr by Roo Reynolds
Hey Jeff…thank you for the beginning of your public ‘noticing’ of the impact from your family adventure that is impossible to avoid. There is much more to discuss. And, those of us who were not present in Kenya need to take some of the learning you are sharing into our own lives. Being present each moment is the practice that takes a lifetime to master. Until next time…
Beautiful.
And I hadn’t noticed…
Hmmmm……….
Could be because you and I communicate in other channels… or it could be the noise. 🙂
Hey Jeff…thank you for your ‘noticings’ regarding the transformation that is happening with you and your family. There is a ripple effect occurring with all those you touch. I look forward to more of your thoughts about those incredible 21 days.
Bravo! I had missed you. I did check in on you. And I was 97.4% sure that you’d gained or were gathering some new perspectives .I figured leaving you to savor what you’d just experienced was the right thing and I knew this Kenya experience would have a profound experience on you. That its helped you dig deeper into YOU, I say. Bravo! We all need that from time to time. I loved sharing the visuals of your journey. I look forward to reading more of the spirituals. Nice to ‘see’ you, friend.
Peter… I love you.
I pay attention, silently. 🙂
Focus is hard. Simplicity is harder. They’re both worth the effort.
Glad to hear they came easy for you in Kenya.
As much as I get what you are saying, and as much as I do turn my telephone off and try to engage people in my physical space, I have to tell you that we have the ability of doing everything in moderation. Think about this, taking this drastic move to a new level would mean that we (as in “Jeff and Ines”), would have never met.
We need to learn to modify, we need to learn to pick our battles, and we need to learn how to document precious moments at a later date so we don’t miss anything in the present.
Don’t be an extremist Jeff, it doesn’t suit you.
I’m taking a break, I’m not giving it up. (And we met before either Facebook or Twitter) 🙂
thanks for sharing your thoughts. Your interpretation is perfect because it is yours. This is one of those post you do not analyze, instead you drink it in and listen and learn from a brilliant mind that allowed his heart to control the story. If only our hearts controlled a little more and our minds enhanced by technology controlled a little less…..
Peter said it best.. Bravo, Jeff!
one more thing, wondering how I can harness the power of social media to make a difference a REAL difference and I am not talking real-estate;)
I want to help you, Julie. We’ll talk next week and make it happen.
“one more thing, wondering how I can harness the power of social media to make a difference a REAL difference and I am not talking real-estate;)”
This is something I’ve thought a lot about. And haven’t DONE enough about it. Social media is a waste of time if we aren’t using it to help others..lets the brainstorming begin..
FB and Twitter are minuscule parts of the issue – I hate the whole drastic disconnect thing. As if you were one dimensional …. But who am I anyway?
You’re right. I’m hardly one dimensional. And we each deal with things in our own way. For me, taking a break from the two major areas I spend my social media time on has been good. I’m surprised by how much space it freed up in my day and in my head.
What I find interesting is that you consider a week of disconnect from two “miniscule parts of the issue” as “drastic.” If that’s drastic, we’re all in trouble.
No…. I don’t regard “these” 2 weeks as drastic, I was referring to other disconnects you have taken in the past. But you are absolutely right, we do deal with things differently.
I remember my first time off twitter and FB after a 5 day trip to Bimini and it was really tough to reconnect – as a matter of fact, I never went back to my old “levels” in any of the platforms after that.
My new drunk addiction is Instagram, and I will be cutting back on that one after the photo walk I organized for today 🙂
Ines and Jeff, I love watching you two banter. Parked. 🙂
Haha Peter!! And I was in the phone stacking table that night …UGH!!
I don’t think any of my disconnects have been drastic. The only times I’ve disconnected are on vacations, where I was disconnected from work as well. Your five day trip to bimini was a vacation too, you were already out of your routine. It’s tough to reconnect after any vacation. My disconnect last year in January at The Ranch was needed and important, but still a vacation disconnect. My disconnect in Kenya wasn’t complete, though illuminating in many other ways.
This one has been different. I’ve been in my “normal” routine, while ignoring FB and Twitter public streams. It has allowed me to REALLY judge just how much of my mental space was taken up by some version of interaction with them. What is drastic is how much more thinking space there has been. And this is after my decision last year to get rid of multiple screens and computers. This is after making the decision to not have social media dashboards open in my face all of my working day.
Perhaps I’m the only one that needs to take a longer break than just Sunday’s to evaluate the impact of the social streams on their ability to focus on the connections that matter, but I doubt it. At any rate, I’ve learned what I needed to learn. The proof of the lesson will be in the personal changes I make at home and in the office. My family and co-workers will be the ones who see it most. I’ll be the one who feels it. Everyone should win in this scenario.
I’ve decided I’ll be back on Monday. Frankly, I miss conversations with friends that only happen in those spaces. Thankfully, my communications with you weren’t dependent on Twitter or Facebook. 🙂
You know perplexity well what I’m talking about Mr Turner. But remember those times where I raise a certain finger to my face to scratch an eye? That’s what I’m doing right now!! Haha!! 😉
Love ya!
Perfectly not perplexity…. Damn iPhone auto correct
I noticed you were quiet – but figured you were busy and/or still away. I did however just find this post in my feedreader. Phone Stacking, eh? <>
Yeah, I like the phone stacking idea too. 🙂
phone stacking? I like it!!!! It reminds me of the time I permanently removed the TV out of the kitchen and family room 20 years ago. I defineltly feel a new family tradition coming on. Might have to expand it to laptop stacking also.
I second Peter’s thoughts. But I also like that you have become aware of how much of your life you live online. Balance is key. Knowing when and how to be present in our day to day physical realities and relationships is most important. Too much of our time online is pure distraction! I did notice your absence by the way. I texted Rocky last night to make sure you are ok.
I am almost through reading “Let My People Go Surfing” by Yvon Chouinard. He is the founder/owner of Patagonia. His company is based on his personal values which carry through and through. He is exactly the type of man Margaret Wheatley would be proud of. I think you may appreciate the read. Especially with your fresh perspectives from being in other countries. He walks his talk.
Jeff, it’s always nice to see you evolving. Not everyone is so open with their own discomforts and growth. Ines, you are right. It is always a choice, always about moderation. Brad, simplicity isn’t harder, it’s just not the norm these days. We have way too many choices in our society.
“Life in the now” I’ve been spending most of my time here myself. I quite like it.
The one thing I noticed when I stopped habitually checking into social sites is the amount of mental clarity I had. The bad habit of scrolling, liking, reading social sites (mostly facebook) had my mind cluttered.
Good to see you taking care of yourself.
That’s it. You nailed it, Brad. Mental clarity. There’s been a white space this week that I haven’t felt in a long time. Good to see you taking care of yourself as well, my friend.
your words always make me think – thank you for sharing – today will make my husband happy 🙂
I’m not sure why it will make your husband happy, but it sounds like a good thing from my perspective. 🙂
I miss you.
I love you.
That’s all.
I miss you too.
savoring this…
Jeff – Reading this made me smile 🙂
Love the fact that you have checked out for a while. I did catch myself wondering where’s Jeff the other day, figured I’d ask you on our call this week…
Like most things in life it’s about balance and moderation – NYC was a real eye opener for David and I – We’ve never been exposed to such an onslaught of social media before, and it was in some ways a shock.
I was unsure how the suggestion of Phone Stacking would go down with our new friends – I was thrilled (& relieved) that they embraced it (initially to humor us I’m sure) for a night.
I’d like to think everyone took something away from it (I think Ines took away an aversion to phone stacking). I took away the memory of the best night I’ve had out in a long time.
🙂 pk
I love the clarity that you have come back from Kenya with. Life-changing, you betcha. I have been away from social since mid December to be ‘in the now’ for my family as we embarked on a transcontinental move.
My children’s needs for stability, balance and present parents far outweigh my own needs to be ‘seen’ at this time.
We caught up with, and said our goodbyes to loads of family and friends who aren’t avid social media users and remembered that there is, and always will be, a much bigger world on the outside.
I too shall return soon(ish) too, we are still in transition. This hiatus have given me more clarity but you know that I am one to tune in and tune out regularly. Sometimes I am intoxicating but the possibilities of social and sometimes I find it toxic.
As your family will be, I look forward to a little bit less of you on-line.
X
Beautifully written. I think we all need to learn balance between on line and digital connections and really socializing and spending time with our loved ones. I do think that being able to share ideas and experiences with a wider audience and meeting new people on line has its benefits, just as anything else does. We all just need to make it a point to use our time wisely. Moderation in everything :). Very happy to have read your post and get the chance to know you. ~Kathy
Thanks, Kathy. Yes, moderation in everything… even moderation. 🙂
And you’re right, Dave. But you’re wrong about the gist of my post. 🙂
Heh, yea I know. I picked the part that was the low-hanging fruit for me to make my point without getting embroiled in a full-blown debate about the pro’s and con’s of how the things that are supposed to connect us together are actually prone to causing the inverse.
I’ve gotta save something for next time. 😉
This is why I love you. 🙂